Understanding Recovery From Sexual Abuse (Part 2)

Jan Broberg:
Welcome back to the show. I wanted to talk a little bit more about recovery, but in order to do that, I thought it might be really important to talk about one of the aspects that I think is not overlooked, but sometimes not talked about or brought to the forefront as often as it should be. And that is PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. I have heard a lot of people recently that they've been talking about the fact that they like to call it just PTS as in post-traumatic stress, but not using the word disorder. Now, I don't know if that's because the word disorder makes it seem like it's something irreparable or that it is too strong of a word, but to me a disorder is anytime that your neurological brain and your central nervous system and your parasympathetic nervous system are not operating in the way that they could or the way that they used to or the way that they should. And so when you've been through a really traumatic, stressful event and something happens that or without knowing what's going on and then being able to re to repattern or regulate some of those systems in the body and the brain and even in the mind. If you're not aware of what has happened to your emotions and the way your mind processes an event, as in it adds all this meaning, then that event can be processing itself for 40 years when it doesn't have to. you have to actually know what this is and how to at least understand how to break it apart so that then you can take the appropriate actions and find the appropriate, you know, therapists or therapies. And so I just thought it might be interesting as we're talking about recovery in this series to talk about PTSD. So they consider PTSD a mental health disorder, right? And I think it's very interesting that after you have experienced something traumatic and the ones that the most often are talked about are combat like war combat then they the next one that they usually list is something like a natural disaster maybe you were in a tsunami or you were there when the dam there in teatime in Idaho when I was young Gosh, I don't know, maybe I was a teenager, the Teton Dam broke and I remember the trauma that people went through when they, you know, they could smell and see all of the animals that had died. And it was just a stench that was there. And I've had different people tell me like, you all smell a certain smell. And all of a sudden I'm right back in that trauma. And I was only six or seven years old, you know, when it happened. And it was just so traumatic with that. flood or a fire that's destroyed your entire home or a neighborhood. We've had a lot of those kind of wildfires. So a natural disaster is another one that they list all the time, along with combat, you know, going to combat in a war. Then they talk about a car accident or a motorcycle accident, some kind of a unexpected accident that's happened. And now all of a sudden your physical body has been impaired. Your you know, whether it would be just a long period of time to heal from something or whether it's a permanent thing like losing, you know, a limb or, or the use of your legs or something like that, which is a long-term trauma besides the fact that it happened unexpectedly all at once. And it's as if time slows down. People talk about that when they have accidents or they're in certain situations where they can see like I remember somebody talking about one of the hurricanes that was coming their way and they could see they could see things starting to swirl and things starting to blow around and it was as if they were in like a slow motion movie and so things that your brain and body will begin to do like in an accident is everything slows down it's as if you can see slow motion what's going to happen, but you of course don't necessarily know the outcome or how severe it might be, but that is a really severe trauma. And then the fourth one that is usually in the category of post-traumatic stress disorder is sexual assault and they lump it all together as sexual assault and I think I've made it very clear. that I like to really use the real words because then people actually understand that we're talking about rape, we're talking about incest, we're talking about molestation, we're talking about things that literally could happen over a long burning period of time that are so traumatic that the brain will shut down memory, it will shut down certain emotions and feelings. in the physical and the emotional state so that you can deal with what is happening to that little person's body or that young adult's body. That's why oftentimes people don't remember, certainly not in order, they don't remember things in order, but they also just don't remember things. It's like it's a big fog. And I just heard a story about a man who in he was in his 60s. And just within the last couple of years started to remember going from implicit memory, like knowing something had happened because he had tried to commit suicide. He had tried to, um, basically he went into a rage one day and did some things that he was like, I don't even know where that came from. Why would I act that way towards, you know, my loved one? I, that's never happened before. And it wasn't like it was based on anything that was currently happening or whatever. It was like, you know, put the lid on the toothpaste and I went into this rage. And also had a lot of just breakdowns with work. Couldn't hold a job. And he just started remembering. And one of the triggers was a funeral for, I don't know if it was his father, but it was either an uncle or a father that had died. And as he was preparing to go to the funeral. all of a sudden he was like, but what if this person and this person and this person are there? And he didn't go into detail, but it was like, Oh, I can't go. I can't go to the funeral because this person, this person, and this person might be there. And all of a sudden the memories of the actual abuse when he was like seven or eight years old during that period of time started to just flash like he'd get these flashes. So A lot of things that PTSD, as we finally used that as a true, like a diagnostic thing starting as late as 1989, is when it was actually really accepted as something that was real. And it had been around the idea that people experienced trauma and that there were all these results from it that went on for years and years. A lot of times people were just kind of like, oh, get over it. You know, that was a long time ago. It was, it was not really accepted as a long-term, you know, it's like somebody saying, get over cancer, right? You just don't get over it. You, you find out what you have and then you figure out to do everything that you can to heal it or to at least extend your life in a, in a better way, as long as you can. And not being diagnosed with PTSD can sometimes be also very stressful for a person who actually should be diagnosed with either complex, you know, CPTSD complex, post-traumatic stress disorder, because that's when they can get some help. Like there are certain things that you have to be diagnosed for in order to get help or services. And so I know a young woman. you know, probably in her 40s now, who had a really hard time getting diagnosed with CPTSD and until she could get that diagnosis, she suffered and agonized with so many various things that were, you know, she had nightmares continually, I mean, just over and over and over again. And she would have these periods of time where she couldn't remember what had happened. Like she would basically wake up. and not that she was asleep, but she would wake up to the fact that, where have I been? Like time is missing and I don't know where I went. I just almost like a catatonic state and other things that kept happening to her where she had also had a traumatic brain injury from the from a person who had assaulted her, but she had also experienced a lot of childhood. physical and sexual abuse and also in her young adult life. In her later teen life she was assaulted and so often I think people especially are like unforgiving or they're just like well you're a teenager and you're hormonal and so we're not going to really go there like yeah you went to the party of your own free will or whatever instead of actually realizing that the brain is still developing until you're 25, 26, 27, and as late as 29 years old is what they are finding now. So I consider, anybody under the age of 30, your brain could still be developing. And so, and of course people have huge traumas and stresses and all of these same things over the age of 30. But because I focus on that kind of younger brain and those younger years. I just think it's very interesting how difficult it is for people to actually get diagnosed, especially women. And I don't think it's as bad as it used to be, but it is still rarely diagnosed. And especially if it's based on something that happened in childhood or when they were teenagers or young adults, it's often not given the respect of what that person has gone through that it deserves. So those are the four things. that they usually talk about as being examples of how PTSD happens, that this mental health problem happens because of war combat, because of an accident that can be life threatening, and a natural disaster, and then sexual assault. And again, they lump it all into one thing, and certainly there are certain kinds of sexual assault that are more... extreme or prolonged the length of time. There's a lot of things that have to go into that, you know, just saying sexual assault. It may be that somebody is sexually assaulted in some way or there might be it's different if there's someone who is groped than someone who is raped. And I'm not saying that either one is okay. I'm saying that the traumatic event that might be has significant difference. Although, depending on the person's personality, their background, what they've been taught is right and wrong, all of those sorts of things. So if they have a religious background, and they are in a compromising situation and groped, they may have a much stronger traumatic response to that than somebody who is just like, Oh, just shove this guy or this person off. And they might be mad about it and upset about it enough to go to their HR department, but they may not be so upset that it's causing them trauma. So different personalities, different backgrounds, different things like that play into how our own, our own selves, you know, deal with a traumatic event. And we're talking about traumatic events that are severe. But I think it's very interesting that sexual assault is considered one of those very traumatic events that can. can cause PTSD. So one of the normal things that anyone who's experienced something that they felt was out of their control, you know, that they felt harmed in a way that they couldn't, they couldn't control it, is to have, you know, upsetting memories. You're going to have memories of that and be upset. And you're going to experience certain things like being angry. you know, sometimes it's pointed at yourself, like, why didn't I smack that person or whatever? But it also is just anger at having the situation that maybe interrupted sort of your normal progression in your development as a person, as a child, as a tween, as a teenager. So you can be angry about those things. And then there's the anger that is attached to the actual event that happened, where there is. Um, complete like, um, you're, you have been taken away from being in control of your own body, of your life. And that is very upsetting. It also causes a lot of grief and sadness. So that's normal to have upsetting memories. It's normal to feel on edge. It's normal to be, you know, worried. Like is this going to happen again? that's part of what's happening in, you know, the brain and the subconscious, your operating system is like, Oh, if I go there, if I do that, that could happen again. But that isn't necessarily true. It's not necessarily going to happen again and again. But that's what kind of gets layered into, into your operating system in your brain and in your subconscious. So I think if you're having Memories that are unpleasant you're having some reactions where you're on the edge. Those are all kind of normal events at first Okay, so To have those things happen, you know for a period of time maybe a few weeks maybe a few months and you know, maybe it's hard to do some of those normal daily activities because this is on your mind and this is on your heart and on your soul and your trying to figure out how do I restore myself to like homeostasis, you know? How do I get back to just being my normal self? I will never feel the same again, right? So that is all, you know, that's normal. You don't wanna go to school because maybe it happened at school. You don't wanna go to work because maybe there's somebody at work who's been pressuring you or doing some of those, you know, what can be very subtle but obvious to you. you know, advances or, you know, you're not going to get the promotion unless you, you know, let me give you a hug and let me, you know, you get, you know, when something's going on and you continue to go to work until it gets maybe one point, it gets out of control and all of a sudden they try to kiss you or they try to grab you or something and you pull away or push away. And that's traumatic because now do I go back to that place where that person is that environment? Sometimes people get, you know, they go and they retreat. They don't spend time with the people that they care about or that care about them because they're in their own fight kinda to figure out like, what do I do with this experience and this trauma that I have? And they will go, you know, kind of distant or silent or, you know, hole up in their room all the time instead of, you know, a child that. normally would come down and spend time with the family and dinner and whatever are those normal things that have been happening and now they're not. So those are all some signs that you know something is off, something's happened and you know if you're in tune with your friends, your family members, your children and you can see those things that have started to be out of whack and they're you know that they've changed. You would most likely, I would hope that you would try to open a conversation like, you know, the whole, Hey, are you okay? That's a really, you know, somebody knows you that you care about them. They're more likely to eventually open up. Now, at first, they may say, Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. This is me. I'll get out of my room, Mom, whatever. You know, I'm fine. You know, that may be okay. So that could go on. I think those normal things that I just talked about for a few weeks and maybe even like I said a couple months, but if those things like they're having trouble sleeping, they're distancing themselves from family and friends and they're by themselves all the time, they don't answer your phone calls, they're on edge all the time, they seem upset. All of those things can be normal from just, you know, even a small trauma. Somebody bullied them at school. you know, or said something, you know, that made them feel embarrassed. All that is normal, maybe for a few weeks. But if something like this is continuing on for a few months and beyond, then I would immediately start to say to myself or to someone that is close to me that I'm noticing all of this in. Hey, there is you're having symptoms of something that's greater than what you can just process. So would you talk to me or talk to a trusted professional to tell them what happened if they won't talk to you? I think you need to know that if you have symptoms of depression, anxiety, anger, being on edge, distancing yourself from friends and family for longer than maybe a few months. That might be the extent. If it goes beyond that, you may have PTSD or that loved one that you're concerned about may have PTSD. So, um, I also know that if the traumatic event happened when you were young, if you were a teenager, a tween, a young child, you may not experience all of these things until much later because what happens to that brain and that emotional system and nervous system is that you immediately cope in order to make things normal so that you can survive. So everything is about survival. And so sometimes you'll just act normal. That's what I did. I just acted normal. Keep getting the A's at school. Keep doing the plays. Thank goodness I had drama therapy in my life without knowing that's what was happening at the time. Those things, that's what a lot of tweens and teens will do. They will do anything to just look and feel, even if they're not feeling that, and I'm doing air quotes right now, to feel normal. It's such a high priority to fit in. And so you may not see some of these other things that I talked about until years later. But if all of a sudden your child starts having like mental breakdowns and screaming hissy fits, at some point you might want to not get mad and go, what happened to you? And they may not even know or remember at that point. So PTSD can be something that shuts down memory. It can be a mental disorder that makes a person act out in ways that are completely out of character. And I really wanna talk more about, you know, some of the finer points of PTSD, but I wanted to go over this as just, you know, an FYI. If you are experiencing some of those things, you may have PTSD. from something that might have happened earlier in your life or over the course of many of many small, maybe they weren't small events, but many events that happened, and they compiled into something that has now become PTSD or CPTSD. So we'll talk more about complex PTSD. And we'll talk more about what it is exactly and what it means. But a lot of times those sort of emotional outbursts or those things that are out of character for you, they're not in your control or in someone else's control. It's not because they're trying to be naughty or bad or whatever you want to label it as. It's because they have a mental disorder called PTSD. And it's not like you're crazy. It's not like there's no nothing that can help you. It's just a diagnosis so that you can now get. the treatment that you need. You can now get the medicine that you need. It's like getting diagnosed with the right diagnosis, whether you have cancer or a kidney is failing or you have MS. These are things that have happened in my life with people that I love. And until they could get the diagnosis, they didn't know what sort of treatment or what kind of medications they could use or what sort of breathing techniques they could develop, or there are lots of things that you can do once you know what is ailing you. And so I think that's really what I wanted to talk about today. Anytime that you have a long lasting, intense, traumatic event, you will most likely develop PTSD. That could be a health thing as well as which they don't often mention, but it could also be a chronic illness that can cause PTSD because it's chronic, it's long-term, it's a traumatic thing that has changed your life. That can also cause PTSD and I think often we think about PTSD as mostly being people who have gone to war. and come home. And of course, we can see how horrible that would be. But it is many other situations. And I wanted to just mention this today, because I think if we look at trauma, and we are looking at a holistic overview of how to deal with recovery, we first have to know how to identify what is going on with ourselves or with someone else. So I think I'm going to leave it at that and I'm going to talk about some other facts about PTSD on my next episode. So thank you so much for tuning in. Take a good look at yourself and at some of those things that we would call symptoms and say, okay, maybe I really need to be diagnosed so that I can get the help and the treatment that I actually need and not feel like somehow I'm just a failure as a person because that is not what is happening. All right, thanks everybody for listening. I'll see you on the other side of trauma. Okay.